It's All About Joy!

$1 Therapy (Awesome Free e-Book)

Chaundra McGill is an inspirational writer whose web site, Writing Reflections, and blog, Writing with Purpose, are dedicated to making you a better writer as well as a better person.

Her goal is to help people discover more about themselves through the therapeutic process of writing. Chaundra is a former journalist, and she offers a free e-book entitled, “$1 Therapy: Achieving Emotional Well-Being through Reflective Writing Therapy.” After reading it, it got me excited about starting some reflective writing therapy of my own.

In “$1 Therapy,” Chaundra talks about how she came to embrace writing as an emotional release method for what turned out to be a very traumatic childhood. Like so many people, she found herself struggling with anxiety and depression as an adult, and self-help books and expensive psychiatry offered only temporary reprieves. Instead, she turned to writing.

Given the timing of events in my life, I loved the personal examples Chaundra shared of how reflective writing therapy helped her learn more about her failed relationships, for instance:

“As I examined the inner workings of my last three relationships, I discovered something very disturbing: I was attracted to emotionally unavailable men. To gain a better understanding of why my adult male relationships were so dysfunctional, I began to write about my childhood male relationships, which included no father, two rarely-there uncles, and a distant grandfather. And then it suddenly dawned on me – I had no male role models growing up.

“I had no benchmark, no standard for how a man should treat me. I had subconsciously convinced myself that if I showed them enough love and was perfect, my boyfriends would stay around and love me.

“I always knew that my fatherlessness was the reason for my dysfunctional relationships, but I never bothered to spell it out. By digging deeper, I was able to get to the root of my issues, evaluate why I accepted certain behaviors from myself and others, and then isolate the specific behaviors I no longer would tolerate in my life…  I then committed to the page exactly what I wanted in a man… Most women have at least a mental checklist of what they want in a man, but my list included much more than tall, dark and handsome. I described the physical attributes, emotional qualities, character traits and values I wanted in a mate.

“Taking it even another step further, I challenged each of these characteristics on the page. I asked myself why I wanted them and how did these traits reflect on me. This honest assessment now equips me with an accurate barometer for my present and future interactions with men.”

Interestingly, I just did this “wish list” exercise last week. I jokingly told a friend that I filled two sides of a typed 8 ½ x 11 sheet of paper! What I haven’t done yet is to challenge each of the characteristics I listed and find out why I want those things in a mate, and how they reflect on me.

As you can see, reflective writing therapy is more than simple journaling. It goes many steps deeper. Read Chaundra McGill’s free, well-written, concise e-book and discover a new, powerful healing technique for yourself.

Click here to download your own free copy of $1 Therapy: Achieving Emotional Well-Being through Reflective Writing Therapy.

Click here to visit Chaundra McGill’s web site, Writing Reflections.

Love Leaves Again

I feel as though I've been woefully absent from the blogosphere in the last week, and for that I'm sorry. So many blogs I've wanted to read, but life stepped in and asked me to be fully present with what was happening outside of my little laptop.

You were all so kind when I asked for advice on love a couple months ago, and shared incredible wisdom that I've kept close at hand. Thank you. (Click here to read that post.)

And once again, as I transition into a new phase in my life - one that sees me leaving behind that very relationship I was excited about - I'm asking for your kindness and understanding. What's more, I'd appreciate any extra positive energy you can send our way, as you can be sure it won't go wasted. 

The nice thing is, our love did not die. If anything, it grew deeper and more pervasive. It's just that he needed to be somewhere that I couldn't be for the foreseeable future, and I wanted something he couldn't give. So he's back overseas, and I stayed in New York.

"...it is ok to want certain things for yourself and not settle for less than that."

On Monday after we said goodbye, I chose to grieve. I spent an entire day in bed, letting myself feel badly and cry, and giving myself permission to cope in old familiar ways. Some of you knew what was going on, and sent your incredibly positive energy my way. For that I'm grateful. I received text messages from one friend every couple hours making sure I had what I needed to get through the day (including offers to make chocolate runs!). I received emails that touched my heart, and some very necessary phone calls. Thank you, to each of you, for sending your love. 

And the next day, I tapped into all of that loving energy and rallied, dragging myself out of bed and throwing the curtains open, because I knew that all endings also mark new and beautiful beginnings.

This is truly a new beginning, and I thank all of you for being the kind, gentle souls you are and reminding me that friends and family are found and made in the most marvelous of ways --- including in the blogosphere! Every one of you touches my life on a regular basis, some without even knowing it. My life is richer because of you.

Feel free to leave a comment if you'd like, but also know it's not necessary on this particular post. Everything is good on this end. I just wanted you all to know that I appreciate you and look forward to getting back out there again to see what you've been up to.

~ With joy & gratitude ~

No Boredom Here! (Guest Post at Erasing the Bored!)

SuZen over at Erasing the Bored very kindly invited me to guest post on her site, so that's where the party's at this week!

Let me warn you, though, that while SuZen is known for writing some pretty funny posts, she let me do my Megan thing and write whatever came naturally. So this post is about the unhealthy relationships we sometimes find ourselves in, and doing better for ourselves. It's about reclaiming great relationships once and for all. 

Now get going over to Erasing the Bored!

Click here for Erasing the Bored

Click here for Erasing the Bored

(PS - I'm closing comments on this post, so instead, please feel free to spread love on hers!)

Part II of the Series “Blogs I Love”

The best part of blogging for me right now is going around to other people’s sites and learning more about myself through their words and experiences. In August, I wrote about some blogs that just knocked my socks off. I knew it was only a partial list, since there are so many incredible writers out there.

With that in mind, here are a few more blogs that inspire me through both their content and the authors behind them. (And yes, Part III is in the works!)

Ethereal Joy: Joy Christin writes about her life unfolding as a single mom raising two kids on a 40-foot sailboat. She’s all heart with a great sense of humor, self-awareness, compassion and curiosity. Best of all, when I read her words I get the sense for how grounded she is, despite some of the things she’s had to deal with in life. This woman, simply by being alive, inspires. Check out Ethereal Joy by clicking here.

Awake Is Good: Jan Lundy, author, speaker and spiritual retreat leader, has a blog that feels like a warm blanket wrapped around me every time I read it. Jan’s wisdom seems to come from the deepest, most divinely connected places. Her authenticity, gentleness and encouragement reminds me of an earth mother, offering nurturing and compassion to all who visit. Check out Awake Is Good by clicking here.

Living Out Loud: Shirley Mclaine, er Hilda Carroll, is a life coach on a mission, inspiring others to live their best lives despite the challenges they see around them. She frequently features bite-sized quotes, which give me the exact push I need on any particular day. This week, I really resonated with this one: “If water derives clarity from stillness, how much more so does the mind?"  ~  Chuang Tzu

I encourage you to find your own inspiration through Hilda’s words. Check out Living Out Loud by clicking here.

Porsidan: Jay Schryer caught my eye one day when I saw a comment he made on someone else’s blog, and noticed the name of his latest post, "I Totally Screwed My Karma." In an instant, I was in-love! He’s funny, genuine, insightful, and doesn’t take himself too seriously. Oh and he definitely has a way with words. Check out Porsidan by clicking here (you won’t be sorry!).

Quest For Balance: I’m sure many of you already know about Lisis and her phenomenal blog, but if you don’t, today’s the day to change all of that. She and her family recently uprooted themselves not only from a geographical area, but also from a lifestyle (working for d’ man), and are now living according to what their hearts tell them is right. Just when I thought I couldn’t like someone any more than I do, they go ahead and write a post that brings tears to my eyes. Check out Quest for Balance by clicking here.

Just My Thoughts: Jill is a mother of six (yes six!) kids, who writes about the transformation she’s been going through over the past year as she embraces and gives voice to her own truth. She is wonderfully honest and self-aware, and I find each of her posts refreshingly authentic. She reminds me that life isn’t always about knowing exactly what to do next, but it is about trusting that if we choose to listen to our inner voice, we will continue to blossom. Check out Just My Thoughts by clicking here.

Work Happy Now: Karl Staib writes a blog devoted to work happiness. He offers awesome tips and poses challenging questions meant to nudge readers into a greater sense of job satisfaction. In today's times, I think what he's doing is so necessary and the manner in which he accomplishes this is the perfect mix of light-heartedness, intelligence, and business savvy. Check out Work Happy Now by clicking here.

Evolving Beings: Evita Ochel first caught my attention when she interviewed Lance at The Jungle of Life, and then again when I read a post she wrote about our obsession with more (click here to read that post). I've found tremendous spiritual inspiration through the mix of wonderful interviews Evita does, along with her writing, which is focused on how we can ascend our purely physical existence and create more meaningful lives. If you're interested in spirituality, open-mindedness, and what lies beyond our five senses, I encourage you to take a look. Check out Evolving Beings by clicking here.

A Study in Sibling Reverie

I spent last weekend with my oldest brother and his family, as my brother completed an ultra-marathon. This particular ultra-marathon was 50 miles of nonstop running, and it would be my brother’s first time running more than 31 miles in one stretch.

He decided this past spring that he would do it, and began training, losing weight (not that he needed to, but MY GOD he’s in phenomenal shape now), and preparing in every way imaginable. Last month when he ran a marathon in the city I live in, we talked about what the 50-miler might feel like. He was nervous about how his feet would hold up, what his body would do, etc. I told him that he didn’t have to be a hero, and if he decided he wanted to stop running at any point along the course, he should do so with a clear conscience. He wouldn’t hear it, though; he had to finish.

And finish he did! He ran for nine hours last Saturday, and completed all 50 miles with his feet intact, a smile on his face and only the slightest utterance of “I think I might throw up” when he initially crossed the finish line.

WOW! Watching him set that goal and accomplish it got me thinking about all the cool things I’ve learned from my brother in the past few years. Tenacity and endurance are just two of those things. A few others that stand out are:

1.    Aging: It’s not just wine that gets better with age. My oldest brother looks the best he’s ever looked, and he just turned 40. Truth be told, he looks more like he’s in his 20’s to me. How does he do that?

2.    Airborne: The best soapbox my oldest brother ever got on was professing the genius of Airborne to prevent colds. That was about five years ago, and I swear by the stuff now. I travel with it, keep a spare roll at home, and any time I feel even the slightest bit “off,” I pop a tablet or two during the day and end up feeling fine, even when the rest of the world is dropping around me like flies.

3.    Surprise Gifts are AWESOME!: My brother is the type of guy who surprised his wife with a first-time European trip for their ten-year anniversary. She had no idea what was happening until he started driving her to the airport. I’ve always loved my brother’s sense of romance and adventure. Well, it’s not just his wife who gets to enjoy his generosity and surprises. My brother is constantly giving me really cool gifts he thinks I’ll like, whether they’re things I’ve mentioned wanting, asked to borrow (including an iPod for a cross-country flight --- instead of lending me his, he surprised me with my own!), or that he thinks I “must have” (a subscription to Entertainment Weekly was just added to that list, along with the first two seasons of 30 Rock on DVD). I’ve loved surprises since I was a little girl, so as an adult I really appreciate that I get to partake in my brother’s knack for knocking people’s socks off in the gift department.

4.    Some Relationships Take Time: Funny enough, my brother and I weren’t always close. Growing up, I idolized him, but in our 20’s we didn’t see eye to eye on much of anything. There was even a time when I thought we’d missed our chance at having a close relationship as adults. But a couple years ago, we started talking more, and really got to know each other. I felt more comfortable sharing my authentic self with him, and think he did, as well. Today we’re closer than I ever dreamed possible, and I love spending time with him, which just goes to show that some relationships simply need more time in order to blossom.

If you had asked me ten years ago if I’d ever write with such reverie about my oldest brother, I probably would have said no. Yet here I am, singing his praises and feeling grateful that he’s part of my family. I have another totally awesome brother I don’t see as often as I’d like (but there’s still time to change that), and a phenomenal cousin in Seattle who also deserves praise, but I’ll save that for another day.

What about you? What joyful types of things have you learned from your siblings, or if you’re an only child, from a friend who’s like a sibling?

The Magic of Meditation

I’ve been struggling lately, and I’m thrilled to admit that. Who doesn’t like a good struggle after all?! After riding a high from May to September where it was safe to say I was the funkiest, freshest JoyGirl! around, I crashed and burned and became more along the lines of a funked-out JoyGirl. If it had lasted just one day, I could have written it off to bad hair. Unfortunately, this funk had teeth and held on for a few weeks. Egads! (And I still have the bite marks on my thigh to prove it, although unless you’re my boyfriend, y’all can’t see it!)

In those moments when I’m feeling down, it’s not like everything’s wrong in my life. Instead it’s simply that the shine has worn off the apple. My eyes, ears, and mind only perceive the very surfacy things in this world, and that surface is covered in grime. I can’t see through the illusion, get stuck inside my head, my head then overanalyzes everything and takes me down some very scary, dark pathways where lions and tigers and bears hide out (oh my!).

Definitely not a fun place to be.

When I’m in those moments, I tend to call on the Universe (God, the angels, Auntie Em, anyone who will listen) in a very separate – and desperate – way, “Please send me a sign. Please give me something to let me know it will all be okay.” On the contrary, when I’m feeling blissful, I recognize that I am one with the Universe, so everything around me is a sign and I work in tandem with God, creating magic on a daily basis.

But I digress. Back to that sign I asked for. It came from a new blog I started reading a month ago. If you haven’t seen what Stacey Shipman’s up to over at her blog, I encourage you to check it out. She’s a great writer with a very open, loving, and wonderfully discerning viewpoint that’s strongly aligned with spirituality and all things yoga. Interestingly, her web site crashed a few weeks ago, and she had to rebuild it. As a result, because I’m on her email subscription list, I was getting old posts blasted to me as she restored her archives.

Well, the other night I was pretty much at the end of my rope emotionally. Just before I went to sleep, however (and a few hours after asking for a sign), I heard my email beep indicating that I had a new message. My inbox had been pretty bare that day, so of course I checked it out and saw that it was an archived post from Stacey Shipman's site. The moment I read the title, though, I knew it was so much more. It was the Universe talking to me, or rather, extending a helping hand. Here’s a snippet:

When Meditation Helps Find Clarity

"...  Will she continue to meditate regularly? That I don’t know. I hope she remembers the success of this experience and reaches for meditation the next time she needs it instead of…something else.

"Life doesn’t always hand us easy to solve problems, sometimes more time and more action is needed. Often a little peace and quiet – sitting without any distraction – can help, even if you only have a few minutes. Sometimes it’s that stirring within that needs to be stirred and released, not stuffed, in order to ‘let it flow’ and continue moving in a forward direction."

Ah, meditation. The thing I’d been abandoning for a few weeks in favor of rushing around like a madwoman. The thing that always seemed to drop to the bottom of my to-do list, even though other activities like two-hour workouts, watching Conan O’Brien, reading my favorite books, or other such varied nonsense got my full attention.

Suddenly I understood that meditation would point me back in that wonderfully blissful direction and get me off of those scary paths I’d unwittingly chanced upon.

Meditation.

Meditation.

Meditation.

15 minutes here, 12 minutes there… 8 minutes is fine, too. As Stacey said, “Often…sitting without any distraction…can help, even if you only have a few minutes. Sometimes it’s that stirring within that needs to be stirred and released…in order to ‘let it flow’ and continue moving in a forward direction."

And so it was for me.

I’m thrilled to say that the funky fresh JoyGirl! is back, and it only took twelve minutes of quietude and introspection. All I can say is, “There’s no place like joy… There’s no place like joy…”

Oh, and also a huge thank you to Stacey!

The Unique Gift Awakening Brings

A wonderful friend of mine (well, they’re all wonderful, actually!) gave me a copy of Adyashanti’s The End of Your World on CD last week. I had been hoping to listen to it since March, but wouldn’t have been ready to hear its message until now.

Just like when I listened to Spontaneous Awakening the first time, I can feel a shift happening deep within me.

This particular excerpt offered reassurance on something that until now, I have struggled with:

“…it’s like…life is just waiting to express itself through each being in a totally unique way… And we can never know what…[it is] until we really let go. And in each of us, life is seeking to express itself fully and purely in a way that’s totally unrepeatable… Jesus was not a copy of someone else. Buddha was not a copy of someone else. The great beings that we revere… are not copies of anybody else. They are examples of life freed up from its fixation… and therefore able to express itself through a particular human being and bloom in a totally unique way.

“And somehow we intuitively connect with these beings…  And isn’t it ironic that we’re so drawn to that kind of being…and yet what most of us try to do then is copy them? We try to be like the Buddha. We try to be like Jesus. Which is actually in opposition to everything they…were. Jesus wasn’t like anybody. Buddha wasn’t like somebody else. That’s why they resonate with us. They were pure, undistorted expressions of life, itself. Which is what we’re all called to. And yet our minds are so deeply conditioned… [we] think by copying…I also will discover my own uniqueness… 

“But if we do that… we become the image our mind has…  And any time we are living as an image our mind creates, that life is inherently unfulfilling. It has the essence of fear living in it. And so the fulfillment of the whole journey to awakening – the realizing what we really are – is not simply so that we bask in this wonderful realization of freedom; it’s something far beyond that…  It’s so that finally life can express itself through us.”

Earlier in September, I was fortunate enough to guest blog on The Jungle of Life. In his gracious introduction, Lance referenced a post I wrote in July called Being The One. I was surprised when he mentioned it, since at the time I wrote it I remember thinking, “Is anyone going to connect with this?” I woke up one morning with a foggy mind, and was compelled to just sit down at my computer and start typing. It’s as if (don’t laugh) I was channeling something from an imperceptible part of me. It was then that the post birthed itself, and when I was done I thought, “Well, I’m not sure what anyone will think, but I’ll float it out there anyway.” The day it went live, someone very close to me said they thought it was inspired, and they could tell that I was inspired. Again, it surprised me, but I just sort of let it go.

In reference to the Adyashanti excerpt I shared above, I understand what was happening a bit better now. I didn’t try to overthink that post, or manipulate it into something I thought people would want to read. Instead I simply moved out of the way and let awareness take over my mind and body for awhile.

I guess the reason I’m sharing this is because for me, that post represents what is possible when I allow myself to be a unique expression of life. For a half hour that day, I pushed “me” out of the way, and awareness was given a chance to come to life, irrespective of blog writing best practices or anything I’d ever done before.

Unique, unrepeatable, and authentic; I let life express itself through me in those words.

And so as I sit at times, fearful of whether or not I can cut it as a long-term blog writer, let alone a published book writer, I am now reminded that my future success is not dependent on trying to mold myself after anyone or anything else. All I ever have to do is gently push my conscious mind aside and let the unique gift of awareness bloom in whatever space I allow it, knowing that when I do, I’m fulfilling life’s purpose for me.

And truly, in ways I cannot even describe yet, that makes me incredibly joyful.

** ** **

Two great posts I read this past month that I encourage everyone to take a peek at include The Bold Life’s What Really Matters (a phenomenal invitation to think about what’s important and what’s not in life) and The Conservative Buddhist’s What Is It You Want Most From Life (which, admittedly, is from his archives, but a great read nonetheless).

Happy Monday, everyone!

Feeling Prosperous

This is an excerpt from one of my favorite metaphysical books in a long time (and despite the title, it's not just for women!):

"Wealth is a matter of consciousness. The French have a legend giving an example of this. A poor man was walking along a road when he met a traveler, who stopped him and said, 'My good friend, I see you are poor. Take this gold nugget, sell it, and you will be rich all your days.'

"The man was overjoyed at his good fortune and took the nugget home. He immediately found work and became so prosperous that he did not sell the nugget. Years passed, and he became a very rich man. One day he met a poor man on the road. He stopped him and said, 'My good friend, I will give you this gold nugget, which, if you sell, will make you rich for life.' The beggar took the nugget, had it valued, and found it was only brass. So we see, the first man became rich through feeling rich, thinking the nugget was gold."

The Complete Writings of Florence Scovel Shinn for Women: Her Ageless Wisdom for Today

Giving Our All

There are many times in my life, embarrassingly enough, when I struggle to put my beliefs into practice. Kneejerk reactions sometimes take over and I have to stop myself from getting caught up in the trappings of the egoic mind.

It seems all too easy, for instance, when involved in a relationship with another person – be they a friend, lover, coworker, what-have-you – to meet whatever energy they’re giving off with a similar energy. Let’s say, for example, that the person we love sort of shuts down and closes themselves off for a day. We have a choice as to how we respond:

• Meet their energy with a similarly closed-off energy, or

• Continue giving them our all.

Admittedly, my kneejerk reaction in times like those is to meet the energy I sense with equal energy. “He’s going to close himself off today? Well, I’ll close myself off, too!” But my gosh, what a silly little game that is.

So I sometimes need to remind myself that I’m not a game player, nor do I want to become one (again). Therefore the only other choice I have is to keep giving my all to the best of my ability, despite what’s going on around me.

I’m not always good at doing it, but I certainly try, and I think I’m getting better!

Besides, I’m a big believer in the energy connections we all share, and particularly with those we deeply love. My hope is that when I’m living all out, as fearlessly as possible, the energy rubs off and influences those I’m with, encouraging them to do the same. I also believe that we get what we give, if not from the people we’re currently engaged with, then from another source. So essentially by giving my all, it comes back to me, one way or another.

And that’s the kind of life I’m now interested in living. I’ve spent the greater part of 33 years (or 27, if you ask my very gullible and adorable niece!) living in fear… Caught up in my head to such an extent that many days I couldn’t get out of my own way, even if I had an army of people helping me.

Today, I’d rather live all out, with fearless faith and always coming from a place of love.

What do you think?

** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Recommendations? I know someone who is extremely nervous about her health, which stems from a fear of dying. She’s young and healthy, but frequently visits her doctor fearing the worst. She dislikes how anxious she is about her health, yet struggles to overcome the anxiety. One suggestion I made was for her to face her fear of death in a more direct way by reading books that discuss death, which might help her understand it from a new perspective. I think she takes a more traditional view on dying, seeing it as an absolute end instead of a blissful release.

If you know of any good books she could read, would you please leave a comment along those lines? Thank you so much!

Runners, Bloggers and the Power of Applause

Yesterday morning was a stellar fall morning here in Western New York. The sun was out, Canadian geese were honking as they flew overhead, the perfect 65 degree-temperature was underscored by a slight breeze, and from where I stood I could see some leaves falling off trees in the distance.

I was perched atop a bridge in a quaint village overlooking what would turn out to be more than 500 marathon runners on a canal trail below me who, at mile fifteen and a half, were two hours into their run. I stood in awe at first, as I realized that the people I watched had been moving their bodies nonstop since 7:30 a.m. I was waiting to catch a glimpse of my older brother, a seasoned marathon runner, who stayed overnight with me to participate in the race.

At first, I just waited and watched, but then slowly began clapping for the two, three, and sometimes five or six runners at a time passing below me. I felt funny at first, since the cars traveling on the road behind me couldn’t see the small waves of people for whom I was clapping. All they could see was a strange girl standing by herself on a bridge, smiling and banging her hands together. Eh, such is life.

I figured once I saw my brother, snapped a picture of him and did some cheering, I could leave; in and out in fifteen minutes. But a funny thing happened when I realized the impact I was having on others. Now, I’ve run a few road races myself, and remember how good it feels to see spectators clapping and cheering me on when I pass. Even if it’s just one person, their enthusiasm energizes me.

So as I stood there clapping yesterday and saw the same good feeling spreading across the faces of the runners who looked up and caught a glimpse of me, I realized I didn’t want to leave. Even after I saw my brother, I stayed on top of that bridge for the next hour supporting each runner who made their way past.

Many shouted “thank you!”, a couple made jokes like “don’t jump!”, and many more smiled gigantic smiles that filled my heart with love. I had gone to the bridge to support my brother, but stayed so I could keep sending as much positive energy and encouragement to each amazing runner as possible, no matter how long it took. After all, I’d been in their shoes before, and knew the power of applause.

That’s when it dawned on me that I feel the same way about blogging. I’ve been very fortunate to have an incredible group of readers and commenters visiting here each week. (Thank you, each of you, from the bottom of my heart) As a result, I try to visit the blogs of anyone who comments to show equal support. After all, there was a time when no one commented on this blog. The day that changed, I remember how extraordinary it felt. So with every new name that appears, I aim to make my way to their corner of the world so I can see what they have to say. It fills my heart with joy to be able to do so. In many cases, I’m blown away by how much I like each new blog I discover. I invariably end up adding them to my ever-increasing reading list, so what started off as five or six regular blogs I follow has grown to more than 30. Sometimes I think, “You can’t possibly have time to read each one of those and make thoughtful comments,” and yet that’s just what I try to do. Each blog gives me a chance to learn something new about myself, and just like clapping on that bridge yesterday I consider it an honor.

So for everyone who puts on their best blogging shoes and heads out the door into the wild world of web writing, thank you. You are me, I am you, and it’s never been a more beautiful day to stand where I’m standing and cheer you on.