It's All About Joy!

The Magic of Meditation

I’ve been struggling lately, and I’m thrilled to admit that. Who doesn’t like a good struggle after all?! After riding a high from May to September where it was safe to say I was the funkiest, freshest JoyGirl! around, I crashed and burned and became more along the lines of a funked-out JoyGirl. If it had lasted just one day, I could have written it off to bad hair. Unfortunately, this funk had teeth and held on for a few weeks. Egads! (And I still have the bite marks on my thigh to prove it, although unless you’re my boyfriend, y’all can’t see it!)

In those moments when I’m feeling down, it’s not like everything’s wrong in my life. Instead it’s simply that the shine has worn off the apple. My eyes, ears, and mind only perceive the very surfacy things in this world, and that surface is covered in grime. I can’t see through the illusion, get stuck inside my head, my head then overanalyzes everything and takes me down some very scary, dark pathways where lions and tigers and bears hide out (oh my!).

Definitely not a fun place to be.

When I’m in those moments, I tend to call on the Universe (God, the angels, Auntie Em, anyone who will listen) in a very separate – and desperate – way, “Please send me a sign. Please give me something to let me know it will all be okay.” On the contrary, when I’m feeling blissful, I recognize that I am one with the Universe, so everything around me is a sign and I work in tandem with God, creating magic on a daily basis.

But I digress. Back to that sign I asked for. It came from a new blog I started reading a month ago. If you haven’t seen what Stacey Shipman’s up to over at her blog, I encourage you to check it out. She’s a great writer with a very open, loving, and wonderfully discerning viewpoint that’s strongly aligned with spirituality and all things yoga. Interestingly, her web site crashed a few weeks ago, and she had to rebuild it. As a result, because I’m on her email subscription list, I was getting old posts blasted to me as she restored her archives.

Well, the other night I was pretty much at the end of my rope emotionally. Just before I went to sleep, however (and a few hours after asking for a sign), I heard my email beep indicating that I had a new message. My inbox had been pretty bare that day, so of course I checked it out and saw that it was an archived post from Stacey Shipman's site. The moment I read the title, though, I knew it was so much more. It was the Universe talking to me, or rather, extending a helping hand. Here’s a snippet:

When Meditation Helps Find Clarity

"...  Will she continue to meditate regularly? That I don’t know. I hope she remembers the success of this experience and reaches for meditation the next time she needs it instead of…something else.

"Life doesn’t always hand us easy to solve problems, sometimes more time and more action is needed. Often a little peace and quiet – sitting without any distraction – can help, even if you only have a few minutes. Sometimes it’s that stirring within that needs to be stirred and released, not stuffed, in order to ‘let it flow’ and continue moving in a forward direction."

Ah, meditation. The thing I’d been abandoning for a few weeks in favor of rushing around like a madwoman. The thing that always seemed to drop to the bottom of my to-do list, even though other activities like two-hour workouts, watching Conan O’Brien, reading my favorite books, or other such varied nonsense got my full attention.

Suddenly I understood that meditation would point me back in that wonderfully blissful direction and get me off of those scary paths I’d unwittingly chanced upon.

Meditation.

Meditation.

Meditation.

15 minutes here, 12 minutes there… 8 minutes is fine, too. As Stacey said, “Often…sitting without any distraction…can help, even if you only have a few minutes. Sometimes it’s that stirring within that needs to be stirred and released…in order to ‘let it flow’ and continue moving in a forward direction."

And so it was for me.

I’m thrilled to say that the funky fresh JoyGirl! is back, and it only took twelve minutes of quietude and introspection. All I can say is, “There’s no place like joy… There’s no place like joy…”

Oh, and also a huge thank you to Stacey!

What My Buddy The Body Teaches

I’m a big believer that thoughts become things; no surprise there. Going along with this, my experience has been that every thought I think creates a corresponding energy, which in turn affects my body. When I’m extremely joyful and loving, my body is relaxed and supple. When I’m upset or stressed, my body is tense. If I stay upset or stressed, the tension condenses and manifests as an imbalance somewhere. Sometimes it’s small, like an ache or pain that goes away quickly. Sometimes, though, it’s bigger and more serious, like when my appendix became inflamed and had to be removed five years ago, or when I had a five-day long tension migraine that doctors thought was meningitis.

In any case, I’ve learned to become buddies with my body because it always (always always!) tells me what beliefs I’m holding onto at any given moment that need addressing.

I know that the Universe is consistently trying to keep me on a good path and one that’s in my highest good. Nevertheless, sometimes in my easily distracted ways I get caught up in diversions that my conscious mind decides it would rather pursue. So I veer off-course a bit and don’t heed the prompts I’m given indicating that course corrections are needed. I’m grateful to my body, though, for stepping in and reminding me when my thought patterns are not in alignment with where I need to be.

My body is like Cher’s character in Moonstruck when she slapped Nicholas Cage across the face and yelled, “Snap out of it!” If my body develops an ailment, that’s its way of telling me to wake up and start paying attention. When I had my appendix removed, for example, I was in a relationship that hadn’t been working for quite some time, but I held onto it because it was easier to do that than go through the drama of giving it up. The human appendix is more or less a useless organ that we’ve evolved way beyond needing. For me, it was symbolic of the relationship I was in. I knew the relationship didn’t serve my highest good anymore. Really, I did. But I dragged my heels in releasing it once and for all, and finally my subconscious had it with me and decided to use the appendix to flag my attention…Or slap me across the face, as it were. Of course back then, I didn’t get it. Today, however, I better understand that thoughts become things and our bodies and minds are intricately connected. Paying attention to my body, for instance, helps me comprehend what’s going on inside my head.

Nowadays, at the first sign of trouble in my body, I look to see what mental pattern I may be toting around that led to its occurrence. Lower back always represents some sort of financial strain or discomfort in my life. Hips represent balance and my ability to move forward with ease. Last year when I was unsure of my job and the direction in which I was headed, I had a combination ankle-slash-foot problem that only healed itself once I resigned from that position.

I now use my body as a litmus test for what the monkeys in my mind have been up to – particularly those subconscious ones that are tougher to reach. I’m learning more and more how to consciously align myself with my highest good and honor the Divine being that I am.

I’d love to say I’m always ahead of the eight ball and that my thoughts are rosy and loving all the time, thus keeping my body in perfect working order. But that’s simply not the case. In my oh-so-human form, I’m prone to slipups. I am grateful, however, for every new trick I learn along the way as I continue to evolve as an awakened and well being.

What about you? Does your body talk to you and let you know where your beliefs may need to be realigned?

** ** ** ** ** **

Happy Birthday to my beautiful aunt (Sunday), my niece, M.E. and good friend, Jim (Monday), and to the guy who represents everything I ever wanted from love and so much more (Tuesday).

This Too Shall Pass

The Fickle Nature of Our Minds

Sitting at a meditation retreat a few months back, I had the chance to observe my mind, undisturbed by things around me. One of the biggest lessons I learned was how fickle the mind is when paying attention to any one thing for extended periods of time. Quite simply, it doesn’t like to! (But I’m sure you knew that already) The interesting thing for me, however, was realizing that, like a small child trying to get my attention, my mind will do whatever it takes to get me to notice and give in to it.

Specifically, here’s what happened:

As I sat on my zabuton in perfect stillness, I noticed my mind getting agitated and fidgety. At first, this came up as a feeling of sudden exhaustion. I thought, “My gosh, I’m so tired suddenly! I’m not sure I can keep sitting here if this keeps up.”

But I did, and a couple minutes later I felt a surge of energy south of my belly button, making me think I’d been daydreaming about this crazy-sexy, handsome cowboy prince with whom I’m so enthralled. I thought, “Well that’s strange. A second ago I was exhausted, but now I have a bunch of energy concentrated in one particular area that’s getting me all excited. Hmm… wait a second… What’s going on here?”

It didn’t take long for me to figure out that my mind, which – being the petulant little child it is – was trying to get me off my zabuton and doing something else… Anything except meditating.

So I sat undisturbed and kept watching my mind. Sure enough, that south-of-the-belly-button feeling disappeared after a couple minutes and then I noticed that my lower back ached a little. When I didn’t give in to that sensation, my mind finally calmed down and I was able to sink into a deep, relaxing meditation.

I’ve noticed this in other instances, too. For example, a couple weeks ago I was working on a project and felt extreme pangs of hunger hit my stomach rather unexpectedly. They were powerful and almost inescapable, but I couldn’t get up and do anything about them because of the nature of the project I was involved with. So I sat, continued working, and observed my mind and my body over the next half-hour. Sure enough, I watched the stomach pangs change shape, intensity, and then eventually disappear completely to the point that I later remember thinking, “Wow, now I’m not hungry at all. I mean, I wouldn’t even eat something if it was offered to me! How strange…”

After both sets of experiences, I realized that every feeling, sensation, emotion, what-have-you eventually changes. When our minds fixate on something (exhaustion, hunger, anger, joy, etc.), we don’t have to immediately act out whatever impulse our minds are telling us to focus on. Sometimes it’s just our minds acting like spoiled little children, trying to get their way. What’s more, if we wait long enough, the impulses we’re having shift and morph into something else entirely!

In real world applications, this means:

• When we’re angry with someone, walking away for a little while might be enough for our anger to disappear.
• If we’re fidgety during meditation, rather than quitting, we might just try sitting through it.
• For people with addictions, rather than habitually giving in to the impulse of the addiction each and every time, wait one out --- let it morph and maybe even lessen or go away.

Remember, we don’t have to act out every thought or feeling we have, and moreover, when we don’t, chances are our minds will fixate on something else in short order anyway.

There’s great joy and power in that for me!
How about you?

Triumph of the Left-Handed

I was hanging out with a friend of mine recently who told me that some of the most spiritually enlightened and gifted people in history were left-handed:

• Benjamin Franklin
• Ramses II
• Alexander the Great
• Charlemagne
• Helen Keller
• Michelangelo
• Leonardo da Vinci

As she kept rattling off names, I couldn’t help but ask, “Let me guess – are YOU left handed?” Of course she is.

Suddenly, my meager right-handedness seemed more of a liability than ever before (and make no mistake, it’s not something I ever spent time thinking about prior to our conversation). 

But she really had me with that list! Suddenly I wanted to know every famous, spiritual or really far-out gifted right-handed person in the world, just to ease my mind. (As it turns out 90% of the population is right handed, so I’m sure I’m in good company.)

After I dropped her off and came home, I began researching famous right-handed people. (Much easier to find famous lefties, in case you’re wondering.)

• Was Jesus right-handed? (Oh please, oh please…)
• Buddha?

I’m guessing they were both ambidextrous, but who knows? My friend’s voice rang in ears once more, “Oprah, Obama…” Stop it! You’re just hurting me now!

Why of all things would dexterity matter to me? I mean, it was absolutely silly and I knew it was just my ego at work trying to throw me off-balance, but it definitely got me thinking.

Speaking of thinking:

“Left-handed people are high achievers. Research reveals that…their brains are structured to widen their abilities, an attribute that is genetic and on account of the enhanced governing of 'language centers' within the brain.

“Left-handed persons use visual stimulus to process information. Research reveals that people who are left-handed do not use the sequential processing style like their right-handed colleagues, to disseminate information. Instead they are good at applying themselves to multiple tasks with the help of the synthesis method of breaking down information and finding a solution.”

By Gaynor Borade as published on Buzzle.com

In any case, a few days after our discussion I’ve moved on to other things to obsess about and let my ego run rampant with (do blonds really have more fun than brunettes, and should I dye my hair?!). It was an intriguing idea, though, to think that lefties are wired differently than righties, and that somehow it could affect where they end up in life.

Be well & joyful, no matter which is your dominant hand!

Freedom From Addiction Through “Being”

From Wayne Dyer’s Choosing Your Own Greatness lecture series

“When you take something into your body that you know isn’t good for you or that you don’t like, or let’s say it’s a cigarette if that’s what you’re trying to quit, or if it’s alcohol or caffeine or too much sugar or whatever it is. And [when] you consume that, what happens is [that] as it goes through you it becomes you, you become it. You become one with the poison. And every time you do that, you are the poison. You’re not consuming poison…it’s not that. That’s one step removed from being. Being means you are it, it is you. You are one…with the poison. All you have to understand with any addiction that you may have – any kind of addiction – is that once you become the treatment and you stop being the poison it’s not even a challenge anymore.

“'I am no longer it. It is no longer me.’ When you get that - when you understand that notion of being and begin to apply that in your life - it’s just phenomenal. It’s like in religion, people are looking for the Ten Commandments, but in the Bible it says ‘live of the truth.’ The whole idea of the kingdom of heaven [is that] it is within. It is what you carry around with you. And when you are the Ten Commandments, you don’t need them. You simply are being that. And when that is you and you are it, you are what Christ called ‘of the truth.’ Not looking for it, not trying to get it from someone else, not hoping that someone else can reveal it to you. It is what you are.

“When you are looking for love, it will always elude you. When you are looking for happiness, it will always elude you. When you become those things, it’s just there. And it begins to own you. You don’t have it, it has you.

“The first benefit…in approaching life from this...[perspective] is that you will see dramatic changes in the negative kinds of lifestyle things you have accepted as a way of life for you. Smoking becomes something that’s almost too easy to give up… You don’t tell yourself it’s difficult. You don’t tell yourself that 'I’m going to go through a lot of pain and that it’s going to be a troublesome thing for me...' You simply become a person who no longer wants to poison himself or herself, and looking at cigarettes as something that you’re pouring inside of you – this self you feel so good about – is just impossible after awhile. It owns you. This health approach. This wellness approach begins to own you.”

Rewording Affirmations: Tweaking Them Slightly In Order To Change Results Dramatically

While on vacation in Jordan and Egypt recently, I learned the power of rewording under-performing affirmations to attain better results. Many people know how useful positive affirmations can be to help draw to us that which we desire. Saying things over and over to ourselves like, “I am successful” can actually help change deeply held beliefs to the contrary and steer us toward achievement. Sometimes, though, no matter how often we repeat positive phrases, the things we say we want neglect to materialize. 

Last week I learned a little trick in this regard. I was having trouble falling asleep early in our trip (which, oddly enough, turned out to be the norm for the rest of vacation). Usually when I don’t sleep enough, I’m susceptible to getting sick. The one thing I knew I did not want to be on vacation was sick. Yet as I lay in the hotel room, staring at the ceiling for what seemed like hours, my mind raced in a panicked frenzy.

“If you don’t sleep soon, you’ll risk getting sick. Oh my gosh, I think I’m developing post-nasal drip. Damnit, stay healthy, stay healthy, stay healthy, stay healthy.” I was repeating that phrase fanatically as I drifted in and out of very shallow sleep. Then suddenly, I heard my partner’s voice in my head as if responding to my incessant mental chatter, which was trying in vain to keep me from succumbing to illness. He said, “Be tough, Megan. You’re tough.”

Swiftly I began repeating that phrase over and over in my head, “I’m tough. I’m tough. I’m tough.” Within moments, the post-nasal drip I thought I sensed disappeared and I felt my body ease into perfect sleep. When I awoke in the morning, I felt fantastic despite having only gotten four or five hours of sleep total (about three shy of what I ordinarily believe I need to function properly).

That’s when I realized something: by shifting my mental posture from “stay healthy” – which implied I might be anything but – to “I’m tough,” I was reaffirming the condition I really wanted: strong, perfect health.

Sometimes when we do affirmations or make those positive statements we know are necessary in order to manifest what we want, we’re unwittingly coming from a compromised state of mind. We don’t do it purposefully, yet I think most of us know when our affirmations aren’t working. I’ve had lots of moments when I end up thinking (after I create the opposite condition I say I wanted), “I must not have wanted it enough…” or “I guess I was meant to get XYZ instead of ABC.” I’m not sure of the mechanics of it, but somehow I think the words we choose backfire when combined with some of our most tightly held (many times invisible) beliefs.

In my case, the words I was using to initially ward off what felt like impending illness had me coming from a victimized standpoint. I already felt like I was slipping into sickness, so the words “stay healthy” were a last-ditch effort to hang on to something I was destined to lose. By finding a new phrase that essentially had the same meaning but subconsciously meshed differently with my belief system, I was able to achieve what I wanted, only from a fresh angle. “Be tough” or “I’m tough” turned out to be the right phrasing to reinforce that I’m already coming from a place of hardiness. All I ever have to do is realign myself with it.

Bottom line: if you’ve been doing affirmations or trying to manifest what you want but it doesn’t seem to be working, try changing your phrasing just a little bit. It could be exactly the thing to move you from a sometimes successful manifester to an all-the-time successful manifester.

Rigid Mind, Rigid Body: The Mental Patterns Yoga Is Helping Me Uncover and Change

I recently started taking private yoga classes. I've dabbled in yoga before, with my most serious phase taking place a few years ago when I was attending two classes a week for a few months. Then, like a lot of things in life, I slowly abandoned it for something else. Over the past year, I've tried to get back into the habit of attending at least one class per week. Yoga has a way of showing me not only what I need to work on in my body, but also in my mind.

The rigidity in my body reflects the rigidity in my mind. Since the mind and body are so beautifully intertwined, the thoughts I hold in my head show up physically in my body. My yoga instructor pointed this out rather poignantly one day when I was laying on the floor struggling with a simple pose. He said, "Your body is so tense...it's like there's something you can't let go of in your mind. You're very resistant. You need to relax and just let go. Then your body will follow."

He's right - I have a very strong mind. A big part of my spiritual practice has involved softening and stretching my thought processes to encompass more and more beliefs and allow a broader view of the world. Just like with yoga, it takes time and practice. "Little by little," as my instructor would say.

Perfection is in the moment - regardless of what that moment is. It's not in the end goal. I grew very frustrated in yoga the other day. It's not the first time, either. Yoga has a way of bringing up emotions in me that otherwise stay neatly tucked away where no one else can see them (including me!).

It started when my instructor, who has been going very slowly with me because of how tight my body is, suggested we do some faster-moving poses to get warmed up. Well, that was fine... until I realized that my body just isn't flexible enough in some regards to do certain poses. Something that looks very simple can actually be very difficult for me to do the right way because of how my body is currently strung together. Rather than accept this fact, though, I get upset about it. My brain starts shouting at me, "You should be able to do more! Look how stiff you are! Look how weak!" and I grow more and more frustrated. My frustration leads to letdown, and then I'm left with an odd feeling like I can't do anything (simply because I can't do something).

Looking at it a bit closer, it's the story of my life, actually. If I can't do something perfectly, I emblematically throw my hands up and decide I don't want to do it at all. There's very little middle ground in my (old) mindset, but I know I need to work on that. After all, enjoyment comes throughout the process - but the key is, I have to let myself take pleasure in the steps along the way and try not to jump ahead to some (maybe unattainable) "perfect" end goal.

After class, my instructor could see I was having trouble with what had transpired, so he talked to me for a half-hour about letting go of expectations. He also asked me how much time I spend practicing each week. He said I should be doing an hour a day if I want to progress. I shook my head and said that I spend maybe 15 minutes a day. He pointed out that if I only spend 15 minutes a day, it's not enough to go deeper and gain the flexibility my mind thinks I should have. So suddenly it dawned on me that I have this far-out expectation of how flexible I think I should or want to be, but I'm not willing or able to devote the energy to make it happen. It takes practice, time, and dedication... If I wanted to be a concert pianist, I couldn't just play piano 10 minutes here or there and expect to be great. I might have natural talent, but that's not what it takes to be a concert-level performer. Eesh...

It's tough for me to accept that I can't be perfect, strange as it may sound. That's my bottom line. Yet, as my yoga instructor pointed out the other day, do I devote the time it takes to accomplish the extreme goals I hold in my mind? In many cases, no! I might do enough to get by, but certainly not what it might actually take to accomplish that far out ambition my brain clings so tightly to. And really, that's what I need to work on. There's a middle ground that I'm conceptually aware of, but since youth, have had a tough time walking along.

These lessons are coming at such an interesting time. They're forcing me to re-evaluate many things I've been challenged with, but haven't always fully understood. Thanks to yoga, it's not only my body that's being stretched, but my mind, as well.

The Joy in Never Minding What Happens

(Note: written Monday evening)

Less resistance...this is something I'm trying to embrace more wholeheartedly right now. While I've always played around with the concept of "going with the flow," I haven't been successful in every circumstance. By nature, I'm not a very flexible person. Every part of me - from my stiff hamstrings to my strong will - exhibits this. For me, it's tough to just let things be and roll with life. But I'm trying, and when I've been successful, joy blooms brightly inside of me.

For example, right now I'm sitting in O'Hare airport in Chicago. I'm through the first leg of my flight to San Francisco, which I just arrived home from two days ago. It's for work, which is a huge blessing, but two east/west coast trips in five days brought out the resistance in me. For starters, the three-hour time difference wreaked havoc on my sleep cycle this weekend. We were delayed in JFK airport coming home, and I never reached my bed until 2:30 a.m. By that time, I was exhausted and didn't recover until this morning. The thought of heading back to the west coast tonight, knowing I'd be laid over in Chicago for three hours and not arriving in San Francisco until midnight, had my stomach in knots:

• What if we're delayed?
• What if I can't sleep on the plane?
• What if they lose my luggage? I have a big day on Tuesday.

Panic, stress, nerves, RESISTANCE!

Then it hit me: relax into whatever's happening. I can't change how fast or slow the airplanes fly, and I can't control airport traffic. However, I can control my attitude and how I feel while traveling. When I relax, I feel good and when I feel good, good things happen to me. I receive warm smiles from passers-by, I notice the happy couple laughing, and I get to revel in the precarious antics of the kid taking a flying leap off one of the moving walkways. With these things in mind, I know my only job is to allow each moment to unfold on its own, recognizing that my highest good is always being served. Ultimately, I'm being guided by the greater force of the Universe and things are unfolding exactly as they need to for my best spiritual progression. Whether it's silly airport delays or not being able to move to the New England coast just yet, events in my life happen on purpose. When I remember to just accept - or give in to - whatever happens, I free myself from a mental prison of anticipation, doubt, anxiety and tension.

Something I recently read in a book has been playing over in my mind and helps me with this. A spiritual guru was asked his secret to living a contented and peaceful life. He replied, "I never mind what happens." Think about it: when we don't mind what happens, we don't spend undue mental energy on it. We experience it, accept it and let the next moment unfold as it will.

My goal, as I continue to walk this path of joy, is to recall his words and make them my mantra.

Imagine how grand life would be if none of us ever minded what happened?

***

As an update to last Thursday's post about the law of attraction and how I've been a manifesting maniac these past two months, while I still have my sights set on moving to the ocean, something pretty spectacular happened in the meantime that has my head spinning. One of my daily "feeling" affirmations for the past six months has been:

My life feels like one big vacation that I'm being paid millions of dollars to be on. I'm doing what I love, in the places I love, with the people I love and am sharing with the world what I know about love, joy and positivity.

Well, three days ago I learned that in the next five weeks, I'll be traveling to San Francisco, Seattle, Miami, and New York City. What's more, the trips are all being paid for and while in New York City I'll be attending my first ever black-tie dinner with a handful of people that I absolutely adore. While the millions of dollars isn't quite there yet, the rest is falling nicely into place.

One big vacation, indeed.

:)

The Big Test to My “What If?” Mindset

Oh, it always happens this way, doesn't it? Just when I think I've adopted a new, healthier mindset, the Universe throws a pop quiz at me that I feel totally unprepared for. I suppose that's the nature of pop quizzes, but still!

Two weeks ago, I wrote a post entitled, "The Joy in Asking ‘What If'." The premise was that if I can continue loosening my grip on what I think it means to be "perfect Megan" and embrace who and how I am right now (no changes), I can experience bigger and better joys.

When I wrote that post, I didn't realize I'd be tested right away, nor did I realize exactly what'd be on the test. Let me explain.

Last week, I got a call from a local magazine I'd submitted an article to four months ago. I was thrilled to hear from them, especially since they want to publish my article in their April issue. (First time in print, thank you very much!) The thing is, they also wanted a professional photograph of me, which the photographer called to schedule shortly thereafter. The thought of having my picture taken sent me into a slight tizzy, as I immediately thought, "Oh God, I hope I can work out every day between now and then and get into good enough shape for it!"

Seriously?!!

Well, that's how my old programming sounds, and it's what instantly clicked on upon hearing that a photo was required.

Rather than be excited at the idea of having a professional photographer snap some pictures of me, I thought (more or less), "I'm not perfect enough."

Now, did I totally fail the pop quiz? No; three or four times in the eight days I've had to prepare for the shoot I thought, "What if how I look right now with no further preparation is absolutely beautiful and perfect?" That's the space I tried to stay in.

It helped to some degree, as I gave myself two days off from the gym when I felt tired or couldn't squeeze it in. It also helped when a blemish appeared, first on my left cheek and then on my right, as I thought, "It's ok; this is part of who I am right now and it's beautiful." Granted, the thought was immediately followed by, "I wonder if they can Photoshop it out if I don't cover it up enough?"

Well, the shoot's in two hours, and I've decided to just have fun with it and let my inner beauty pour out of me.

Besides, what if my inner beauty is so magnificent that the stuff on the outside doesn't even show up on camera?

;)

Embracing Each Other, Embracing Ourselves

A few weeks ago, I was having a discussion with a friend of mine about obesity. My friend took a very strong stand against it, claiming that in most cases, overweight people just need to admit they have a problem and "put the fork down." Her feelings were that people with weight issues are acting irresponsibly, are in denial, and need to hold themselves accountable for getting healthier.It was interesting to hear her talk, knowing what I do about her own rocky history with self-love and acceptance. Since I've known her, she has struggled to stay rail thin, believing that a size 8 is fat. Part of me knew that in lashing out against obesity she was waging a war against herself. She doesn't feel like she's good enough in certain parts of her life, and therefore spouts off toward those who remind her of what she fears most. I think all of us can relate on some level. I believe we all have those people who metaphorically remind us of the parts of ourselves we don't want to face. It's like they hold a mirror up to us when we come into contact with them and force us to stare down the parts of ourselves we're revolted by. For me, it used to be wealthy people, since I came from a fairly "broke" family. Still other times, it's been a totally different subset depending on what issues I'm working through.

Back to our discussion, though. As I listened to my friend talk about obese people, something bigger jumped out at me. My personal experience was telling me that a lot of people's weight issues - whether they're too fat or too thin - come from deep-seated unhappiness. When we're not at peace, our emotional unrest takes shape as something we can see. Whatever we're feeling on the inside that's not consciously expressed will find its own expression, often through our bodies. Louise Hay, founder of Hay House Publishing and author of dozens of self-help and spiritual books, wrote about this in "You Can Heal Your Life." She purports that we create every so-called illness/condition in our body. She writes, "The body, like everything else in life, is a mirror of our inner thoughts and beliefs. The body is always talking to us...Every cell within your body responds to every single thought you think and every word you speak. Continuous modes of thinking and speaking produce body behaviors and postures and ‘eases' or dis-eases."

If obesity or anorexia, in even a small number of cases then, comes from rejection of the self (self-loathing), as Louise Hay purports, it makes sense that love could certainly help.

However, our society definitely does not express love toward overweight people. Instead, in many cases, we outwardly reject them, as my friend was doing.

I can say from experience that when I was my most miserable in life, my emotional distress manifested as an eating disorder. I could not consciously fathom the depths of what I was feeling at the time (self-loathing and 100% non-acceptance). All I knew is that I hurt. I quelled this hurt by eating. When I ate too much, my conscious mind would kick in and say, "You idiot! If you keep eating all this food, you'll gain weight and no one will ever love you." So then I'd purge what I'd eaten, which only gave temporary relief. Little did I know that the source of my suffering ran much deeper than the food I ate or the process I went through to rid myself of it. At my most basic level, I simply felt unlovable.

Simply?!!

I say simply because once I learned that my issues with food (and weight) revolved around self-love and acceptance, it became infinitely easier to heal them. A doctor who doesn't know what ails his patient will have a tough time curing him. So it was with me. And so it is, I can imagine, with many others in this world who struggle with their weight, food, and/or body issues.

So to go back to what I was saying before, when I heard my friend rejecting people with weight issues, I tried to explain to her that I felt they needed her love, not her judgment. Rather than pointing her finger and shaming them, I told her I thought she needed to practice love. As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." The only thing that can change any of the hurt in this world is love. First, though, we have to recognize that a lot of what we see or think of as problems (obesity, anorexia, alcoholism, gambling, drug addictions) are many times manifestations of someone's pain. How can we end that pain? Through love. We need to show everyone love; not just the people we like or approve of, but everyone.

If we can begin to move in this direction - loving rather than rejecting - we may start to see a shift in the world. At the very least, if we can move in this direction for ourselves (by loving and approving of who we are, as we are), we'll start experiencing a quiet revolution.