Loss is one of the most difficult things in life to deal with. Whether it’s loss of love, loss of a job, death of a loved one, what-have-you, our conscious minds are not wired to easily release our attachment to people and things. Sudden change scares most of us, but truly any kind of change that we’re not the instigators of is bound to concern us.
What do we do next?
Where will we go?
How can we ever replace the person or thing we’ve lost?
I will tell you as someone who’s recently experienced loss that when viewed from another angle, it’s actually quite a lovely thing. Loss gives us an opportunity to explore how our minds work, and choose a new path forward.
Here are four ways I’m currently dealing with loss:
1. First of all, I don’t call it a loss. It’s a gain. The term “loss” is so negative, and anyone who knows me knows that I prefer to put a positive spin on things. So immediately after my partner and I talked about pulling back from our romantic relationship, I told myself that I didn’t lose anything. Instead, I gained everything by having had the chance to experience so many wondrous things with him.
- To begin with, he allowed me to practice unconditional love for the first time in my life.
- On top of that, loving him and being loved by him changed me forever, and for the better. I’m more enlightened and stronger now than I used to be, and it’s through his influence and support that all of it was possible.
- What’s more, his love raised the bar for what I imagined I deserved, love-wise. And my goodness, if it’s not him then God must have someone so far beyond my fondest dreams in store for me that I’m breathless at the thought (because truly, I never thought anyone as good as him, even, was out there).
So again, I didn’t lose; I have only gained.
2. Today is no different than yesterday. Sometimes after a loss, it’s easy to get caught up in the “woe is me” mentality, expecting the days and nights to feel differently in light of such seeming defeat. We want to tell our friends and family about it and lick our wounds. After all, it’s news, right?! We can’t not tell them, and we can’t not think about it, can we? Sure we can. Especially knowing how the law of attraction works. Since we get whatever we think about most, I certainly don’t want to attract more loss into my life. No sir! Instead, I choose to remind myself that I’m a powerful creative force who attracted that man’s wonderful love in the first place.
Regardless of what happened in my life yesterday – whether I won or whether I lost – the sun still rises and sets today, I still breathe in and out, and I go right on creating. With that in mind, I choose to pick up where I left off and say, “Watch out world, ‘cause the next one is going to be even better!”
3. When the desire to cry arises, I honor it and then move on. Regardless of how high-minded or enlightened I try to be, I’m still a spiritual being having a human experience. So, from time to time I’m overwhelmed by natural feelings of sadness. When I feel the urge to cry, I honor it and cry. However, I don’t stay in that space for very long. After all, as someone who’s observed how our monkey minds work, I know that if I let my conscious mind have its way, it would act out my sadness not only in tears, but in any other way it could so long as it had my full attention. (Like a petulant little child, I’m telling you!) Instead, after a few moments of expressed sadness, I pull back and become a third-party observer and notice that the feelings of sadness originated with a single thought. The thought had to do with loss. The loss was something my conscious mind wanted to attach itself to and make a big deal out of.
“You are that loss, Megan. You’ll never be the same. What are you going to do?!”
Rather than spend any time in that negative space, I redirect my thoughts and choose better-feeling ones. Within seconds, the tears and sadness have dissipated and I feel happier. A very wise woman once said to me, “We don’t have to act out every thought and feeling we have.” Along those lines, I choose to simply honor what comes up, give it the space it needs, and promptly move on!
4. I inspire myself through other people’s success. No matter where I am in my life, there are always people out there who are experiencing the very things I’m still only dreaming about. Rather than feel envious of them for having what I (currently) don’t, I turn to them for inspiration. Like a little kid watching in awe as a favorite movie unfolds on the big screen, I turn to these magical creatures for their insight and encouragement.
In this case – having to do with love – my most recent and best examples of what I aspire to can be found in Portland, OR. That’s where Katie and Patty live. Katie’s blog, “You Can’t Say That on the Internet!” puts beautiful words to the perfection she’s found in loving her wife, Patty. The two of them consistently drench my heart in warmth and fill me with hope as I read their stories of devotion to each other. Through their lives, I know without a shadow of doubt that true and lasting love is not only possible, but it has the potential to get better and better with each passing day. If you’re someone who’s dreaming of “perfect love,” I implore you to read Katie’s blog and become equally inspired. (NOTE: This post, in particular, moved me deeply: http://ucantsaythat.wordpress.com/2009/03/28/miss-peaches/)
Loss needn’t be an end to our happiness, and certainly shouldn’t be anything we let deter us from living the life of our dreams. It is always, however, an opportunity to move ahead stronger and a bit wiser.
As Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.”