I’ve been thinking about conflict lately, as I’ve witnessed others dealing with various aspects of it. One person asked how much conflict should be let go of and how much should be confronted. My response was to let all of it go. This person didn’t agree. Their take was that they’d spent a good deal of time trying to let it go, but now felt compelled to deal with it head on.
I had to think about that for a moment. I could see how confrontation can offer up the greatest sense of personal freedom, especially in cases where our minds simply cannot rest until we’ve met a conflict directly and engaged ourselves fully in it.
Still, I kept tossing around the idea of “been trying hard to let it go…” When we hold something in our hand that we want to let go of, we simply open up our hand and release it. Thus, we’ve effectively let it go. Why are our minds so much different?
I think it goes back to our egos -- aka, those pesky mechanisms of our conscious minds that EDGE GOD OUT! When we’re living at lower levels of consciousness or are closed off from our connection to God, our minds will tell us that any time we’re involved in a conflict, we must fight it to the death. After all, our egos love to take offense and have an unquenchable need to be right. (Click here to read: No Offense!)
But how does that serve us? Conflict never feels good and it never bring us into harmony with the Universal life force of love and creation. I don’t care who you are or where you live – conflict is a destructive energy that temporarily stunts us in our quest to become more awakened, creative beings. When we’re in conflict, we’re out of sync with the all-mighty power that lets us create whatever it is we really want. (Subsequently, as we engage our energies and put our attention into conflict, we create, by default, more of what we don’t want)
“But there’s this person who’s constantly trying to undermine me and engage me in confrontations, and harm my reputation. How can I ignore that?”
To begin with, none of us are our reputations. If you think you are, I’m here to tell you to think again. In a group of a thousand people, you’ll have one thousand different reputations because everyone who “sees” us does so through different filters that are shaped by their personal circumstances, upbringing and views on life. Besides, as my high school Spanish teacher used to say, “It’s none of your business what anybody thinks of you.” Amen. Or I mean amén.
On top of that, conflict always needs more than one person to survive. If someone “attacks” us verbally, reputationally, emotionally, what-have-you (note I’m purposefully leaving off physically), and we don’t respond – if we let it bounce right off of our coat of self-assured and loving armor we wear at all times throughout the day – the conflict ends right there! Conflict cannot survive without our participation.
What’s more, those who believe that their lives are guided by a higher power have no business believing that the essence of who they are can be changed by anything anyone else tries to do to them. Conflict, hurt, letdown, frustrations – they exist only in our minds. When we release from us the need to be right, the need to defend ourselves, the need to prove ourselves right and others wrong, then we release ourselves from the gripping claws of conflict.
Lastly, since I believe we create absolutely everything and everyone that shows up in our lives for the purpose of learning, growing, and transcending our human experience, I like asking myself this question: WHAT PART OF WHAT I WANT DOES THIS PLAY A ROLE IN?
Consider this:
For anyone involved in conflict right now, if you can simply look at the person (or people) you’re involved with, set your ego aside and tell yourself, “This is just who they are. They’re just acting like themselves, and I can be at peace with that.” If you can do that, you might find that releasing conflict from your mind – and your life – becomes infinitely easier than you ever imagined.
Here’s to a peaceful, well and joyful life!