It's All About Joy!

Giving Our All

There are many times in my life, embarrassingly enough, when I struggle to put my beliefs into practice. Kneejerk reactions sometimes take over and I have to stop myself from getting caught up in the trappings of the egoic mind.

It seems all too easy, for instance, when involved in a relationship with another person – be they a friend, lover, coworker, what-have-you – to meet whatever energy they’re giving off with a similar energy. Let’s say, for example, that the person we love sort of shuts down and closes themselves off for a day. We have a choice as to how we respond:

• Meet their energy with a similarly closed-off energy, or

• Continue giving them our all.

Admittedly, my kneejerk reaction in times like those is to meet the energy I sense with equal energy. “He’s going to close himself off today? Well, I’ll close myself off, too!” But my gosh, what a silly little game that is.

So I sometimes need to remind myself that I’m not a game player, nor do I want to become one (again). Therefore the only other choice I have is to keep giving my all to the best of my ability, despite what’s going on around me.

I’m not always good at doing it, but I certainly try, and I think I’m getting better!

Besides, I’m a big believer in the energy connections we all share, and particularly with those we deeply love. My hope is that when I’m living all out, as fearlessly as possible, the energy rubs off and influences those I’m with, encouraging them to do the same. I also believe that we get what we give, if not from the people we’re currently engaged with, then from another source. So essentially by giving my all, it comes back to me, one way or another.

And that’s the kind of life I’m now interested in living. I’ve spent the greater part of 33 years (or 27, if you ask my very gullible and adorable niece!) living in fear… Caught up in my head to such an extent that many days I couldn’t get out of my own way, even if I had an army of people helping me.

Today, I’d rather live all out, with fearless faith and always coming from a place of love.

What do you think?

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Recommendations? I know someone who is extremely nervous about her health, which stems from a fear of dying. She’s young and healthy, but frequently visits her doctor fearing the worst. She dislikes how anxious she is about her health, yet struggles to overcome the anxiety. One suggestion I made was for her to face her fear of death in a more direct way by reading books that discuss death, which might help her understand it from a new perspective. I think she takes a more traditional view on dying, seeing it as an absolute end instead of a blissful release.

If you know of any good books she could read, would you please leave a comment along those lines? Thank you so much!

Resentment Is Ridiculous

I used to look at people who were more successful than me and envy them. Sometimes I was even resentful. This was especially true if whatever they had accomplished was something I wanted to accomplish for myself, but hadn’t gotten to yet. What I’ve learned recently, though, is how backwards my thinking was, and what’s more, as Wayne Dyer has said, I now know that there are no justified resentments.

Whenever I resented someone else’s success, I realize now it’s because I was looking through the eyes of lack. I felt I was missing something in my life, so when I looked at them in their joyfully abundant state, it reminded me that I didn’t have something I really wanted. That made me angry, and deep down probably fearful that I might never get what I really wanted.

But how silly it seems, since someone else’s success is actually a great reminder of just how much exists in this Universe for all of us. We live in an infinite Universe with more than enough wealth, success, love and joy for everyone. What’s more, each of us is here with a unique mission to fulfill that no one else can carry out exactly the way that we can. If they could, God wouldn’t have needed us, and I’m going to venture a bold guess by saying that as a result, God wouldn’t have put us here.

So rather than seeing someone else’s good fortune as my missed fortune, I now look at them with grateful, praising eyes and think, “There is more than enough for everyone.” I follow it up with, “What God has done for others, God now does for me and more.” When I affirm the success of others, I am essentially affirming it in me.

I wish the same for you: here’s to your incredible success and good fortune, and even more so, to your ever-expanding joy.

What about you? How do you feel about envy and resentment, and what role do they play in your life?

 

Don’t Be Afraid To See

How Judgments Cloud Our Vision And Keep Us Stuck

Judgment is one of life’s greatest poisons. It prevents us from seeing clearly. When we judge, we can’t really see the people or things we’re looking at, and if we can’t see them, we can’t have an authentic relationship with them and will remain stuck in non-truth. No true progress can be made. No growth can occur, because we’re living in a fantasy. Instead, whatever relationship we have will forever be at least one step removed and predicated on our judgments, rather than who or what is really there.

I’ve been in relationships before where my positive judgments – my wanting people to be a certain wonderful way – kept me from seeing who they really were at the time. It’s as if I didn’t want to believe that the people I chose to associate with could be mean, selfish, or hurtful. I wore rose-colored glasses when viewing them (a form of judgment), and was shocked when their actions clashed with whatever I believed they were about. The result was disillusionment and letdown, and the only person I could possibly blame was myself. I chose to judge them, after all, rather than see who they really were.

I’ve done this to myself, too. There have been many times in life where I refused to see myself clearly. Most recently, I experienced this as I struggled to put an addiction behind me. I simply could not look at myself and see the real me. I had such negative judgments built up in my mind about what it meant to be an addict; to allow myself to be weak and unable to get over something quickly or easily. My harsh self-criticisms prevented me from seeing what the addiction was doing to me, and especially to my body. I couldn’t see myself. When I looked at myself, I was always one step removed from what was really happening, which meant any corrective actions I was taking were also one step removed.

As a result, my judgments held the addiction firmly in place. I was spinning my wheels, not realizing that all I truly had to do was see myself without judgment and calmly recognize what I’d become.

The moment I did, though… Well, it was a powerfully transformative experience. At first, I was shocked. I just kept looking at myself – detached from judgment – seeing clearly what I’d allowed my addiction to do to me. And then judgment rushed back in and I cried, flailed and thrashed around, and became very angry with myself (more and more critical judgment). Having glimpsed the truth, though, eventually that judgment subsided. That’s when non-judgment settled in for good and I felt this huge sense of relief. I could finally see what really was, not what I wanted there to be. I was seeing clearly, and in that moment, I set myself free.

When we can surrender to what we see and suspend judgment, we allow ourselves to have an authentic experience with the moment. We set ourselves free. It requires that we leave behind the blame, shame, and guilt, and asks us to see the truth without hesitation.

Anything good we want to accomplish in this world requires that we start from a place of truth. By pushing judgment aside, we allow ourselves the opportunity to experience genuine joy.

On Dealing With Fear

"There is no peace or happiness for a woman until she has erased all fear from the subconscious. Fear is misdirected energy and must be redirected, or transmuted into Faith.

"Jesus Christ said, 'Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? …All things are possible to him that believeth.'

"I am asked so often by my students, 'How can I get rid of fear?' I reply, 'By walking up to the thing you are afraid of.'
 
“'The lion takes its fierceness from your fear.' Walk up to the lion, and he will disappear. Run away, and he runs after you." The Complete Writings of Florence Scovel Shinn for Women (purchase from Amazon using the "I Recommend" tool at the lower left of this page)

Reappearing Demons Along the Path of Authenticity

I had a crazy couple of days during a recent trip to Oregon. I was traveling by myself, and found that I got caught up in feelings of self-doubt, weakness and despair…Traits I subsequently berated myself for exhibiting. The sadder and deeper my emotions ran, the more I resisted them, but ultimately I fell victim to their whims. The next thing I knew, I was at the bottom of a dark well, looking up and hoping someone – anyone – would walk by and throw me a rope.

It didn’t happen right away.

What did end up happening, though, is that I placed a few urgent prayers to the powers that be, and begged them to help me. When I woke up the next morning, I had a flash of insight, “Call the one person who will understand what you’re going through.” So I did; I called on a friend who has served as a spiritual sounding board for me over the last two years and who has a way of helping me unlock what it is I’m going through – practically breathing new life into my experiences and helping view them in a new light. It was the first time I would have ever called him in such a state – feeling incomprehensibly more miserable than I had the day prior. As luck would have it, he answered his phone (a rarity between the two of us over the last nine months, as we usually play an energized game of phone tag for weeks at a time before giving up!).

I proceeded to tell him about the way I was feeling, and then continued to explain how badly I felt about feeling bad. I was supposed to be beyond that, after all – above it, somehow. I’m the goddamn joy girl, for heaven's sake! He understood; he’d been there, too. Thank God…  Finally, I wasn’t alone.

During one point in our conversation, he asked, “What is it you’re afraid of?” (I thought to myself, “There’s one hell of a question.”) I took a breath, paused for a few seconds and again, had a flash of insight. “Wow, I just saw it… plain as day. I’m afraid that all the goodness I’ve experienced over the last year – all the great stuff I manifested – is just an illusion. That somehow, it’s all a colossal trick and what everyone else says and believes – that life is hard – I’m afraid that’s the reality. I’m afraid that what I believe about manifesting, joy, abundance…it isn’t real.”

What I said didn’t phase him in the slightest. I could even hear him whispering “yes” as I expounded on my fears, practically nodding in agreement on the other end of the phone.

His response was this: anyone who’s on an authentic path has the same fear. We fear that who we are and what we’re all about is fake, and that the parts of our past that we worked so hard to overcome will once more get the best of us. The fear materializes as feelings of self-doubt, sadness, listlessness, desperation, and then dances right on the verge of depression. It usually shows up after a period of great joy, too, as if vehemently trying to prove that we're never far from where we started - almost like the path we're on is just a big vicious circle. Anyone who’s ever felt this fear knows that at the time, it just seems so real and looms over everything like a thick, ominous black cloud. And those of us who feel it give it power by letting it buckle our knees until we’re down on the ground, in prayer position, begging for help.

In my case, I gave it power by willingly walking over to the edge of that deep well and obediently jumping in.

For me, the craziest part about all of this is that to even get on the path of authenticity in the first place, I had to face an army of demons and systematically cleanse myself of whatever no longer resonated with my heart center (but first I had to find my heart center!). That systematic cleansing was a rough process, too, and if I’m remembering correctly, a desperate one. I really had no choice but to alter the course I was on, opting instead to connect to the divine inside of me instead of playing ring-around-the-rosie with my demons.

At the time, I cleared out so many unhealthy things that what I was left with didn’t even resemble the me I’d come to know. I felt lighter, freer…happier. Something I wasn’t aware of when I started on my way, though, is that I’d have to face those same demons again at some point.

I think it’s inevitable; that which we think we’ve slain is only ever temporarily blighted. When we least expect it, and when we really don’t want it, that’s when our demons catch up with us once more, seeing if we’ve learned any new tricks to put them in their place. If we’re lucky, they politely ask us to take out our boxing gloves first before beating the bejesus out of us.

Hey, at least we know it’s coming.

So what then?

As my friend pointed out to me and as Richard Bach so eloquently wrote in the Bridge Across Forever, “There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.”

And so it is for anyone out there who’s felt their demons nipping at their heels lately. This, too, shall pass and when it does, the gift that is left in its place will be even greater self-awareness, fortitude, and yes, even more joy than we’d ever imagined.

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Since starting this post a few days ago, I’ve stumbled across a half dozen friends who’ve all had similar experiences. I have to believe it’s less individualized than I initially believed, and that truly, many of us are being asked to face and slay the demons from our past once and for all.

After all, we’re on the verge of entering a brand new year that will bring with it countless new blessings for those who believe in the Universe’s magic. First, though, we have to make room…

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A quick shout-out to Mike from the (since retired) blog MikeTheory.com. We had the pleasure of meeting face-to-face last weekend. Holy cats, Mike! You are such a cool, fun and interesting guy, and I’m honored to have finally met you. I can’t wait to see what’s next on your journey!

Comfortable or Not, Readying Ourselves for Change

Lately I’ve been feeling like a change needs to be made in my life, and not a little change, either, like cutting my hair or wearing a new shade of lip gloss. No, this change feels rather large; the kind of thing that alters paths and creates new opportunities. It’s been coming for awhile, and even though I’ve been doing my best to ignore it, I don’t suppose I can hold out much longer.

I remember a few years ago when a friend of mine was engaged to a man with whom she was no longer in-love. She knew she should probably make a change and break it off, but the comfort of being with him outweighed her desire to free herself from the loveless relationship. That is, until the day the Universe rattled her cage so hard she had no choice but to tell her fiancé how she’d been feeling. See, she was caught in the apartment of a mutual male friend of theirs, and needless to say, it was rather obvious where her true affections fell. Within two weeks, her fiancé had moved out and she began officially dating the man who would become her future husband. 

And so it goes.

I’ve often found that when we’re too scared to make a move for ourselves – even when it feels like we ought to – the Universe steps in and forces us to make a change. I believe we’re all given the tools to interpret myriad signs along the way – to break free from a dispirited situation before the proverbial sh*t hits the fan. Whether it’s our pesky gut instincts that keep begging for our attention, or the sudden physical maladies we suffer at the hand of subconsciously stuffed stress, the Universe is always polite enough to tell us one way or another when it would like us to move on. The question is: do we listen?

I know for me, being a creature of comfort, it takes a lot before I’ll make any big changes, even with my gut instinct being as finely tuned as it is. For example, in college, my long-term sweetheart frequently did things that sent my gut into overdrive and caused me to consistently question his character. However, I always let my “logical” mind win (and listened to his asinine excuses), mostly because I didn’t want to believe that the person I loved could deceive me. On top of that, I didn’t want to deal with the discomfort of making that particular change and being alone. Six long and difficult years later, the Universe had enough and flipped the pooh switch to “high.” The mess that ensued shook me to my core and brought my life to a standstill, but once I was able to get on my feet again, everything looked distinctly brighter. Why? Because I was forced onto a different path – one I resisted pretty fiercely up until that point. Looking back, I am grateful they pushed me to make the change because everything since then has brought me to wonderfully higher ground.

In this case, with how I’ve been feeling lately and the changes I’ve sensed in the air, I suppose it’s time to start gathering my things and preparing to head in a new direction. After all, the signs are all there and my job right now, comfortable or not, is to trust that the Universe will do as it’s always done and have my back. Here’s hoping I make it out before they flip that darn fan switch on again.

☺

Permission to Shine (A Very Different Approach to Conflict Resolution)

It's no surprise that in my life I've come across people with whom I don't always resonate. In the past few years, those people have been fewer and further between as I continue to refine and raise my energetic vibration to be more in line with pure love, joy and positivity. Still, lessons being what they are, and growth being something I crave, I cross paths every so often with someone who makes my finely tuned inner instincts scream, "Run away, little girl! Get away from this person immediately."

Most times, that advice is easy to heed. However, there are other times when the person is someone with whom I have to interact on a regular basis. What then?

In talking it over with a friend, and telling him how I've been anxiety ridden lately over just such a situation, he offered some great advice. I was telling him about the ways in which I decided I would change my behaviors as a result of the fear I'd developed around one person, in particular. I'd try to limit my contact with them to the best of my ability, but when I did have to interact, I'd keep it concise. I'd remain tight lipped with my opinions, even if I disagreed with something that was happening. Authenticity be damned! I felt as though I was in survival mode and the best way to respond was by retreating.

Thank goodness God speaks through those closest to us when we need it most. My friend pointed out that in situations where two people aren't a vibrational match - such as this - rather than leaving (because one person always leaves), I should not only stay, but I should stay and SHINE! He went on to remind me that it's in my nature to shine. Who I am and what I'm all about is to be a beacon of love and light; compassion and kindness.

My friend surmised that in all likelihood, this person is surrounded by others who, like me, recoil in their presence. I'm sure I'm not alone in recognizing, focusing on and responding to that "lower" part of them that my gut screamed so loudly about. However, rather than coming from a place of fear, I have a wonderful opportunity to shine around this person, and in doing so, maybe I'll give them permission to shine, as well.

After all, throughout my life, there have been dozens of people who have helped me find and bolster my inner light. Some have done so directly through their love and support, and others indirectly, by being authentically themselves and shining brightly in my presence. Like role models, they have helped me to touch upon the softer, lovelier aspects of my soul. That's exactly what I have an opportunity to do now for this one person.

Something I know for sure is that after my friend and I talked, I felt a lot better. Suddenly I was more at peace with myself, and regained an inner stability that had left for a bit. On top of that, I was able to toss aside fear and embrace a truly divine and loving state of mind again. (Why I let myself go to a dark place to begin with, I'll never know, but I suppose it's part of being human and learning!)

When all else feels like it's failing, the one thing I know for certain is that I can be authentically me and shine brightly. And when I shine, I give others permission to shine, which helps make the world a more loving place to live.

Faith As the Antidote to a Fear of Failure

A friend asked me the other day if I was afraid to fail. He was talking from a professional standpoint, and after giving it a few seconds of thought, I said, "No, but sometimes I worry that the challenge associated with something isn't where I ultimately want to put my energy."

As I thought about our conversation later, I realized that I really don't fear failure. My reasoning has a lot to do with a strong belief in the Universe. I believe that I'm always led to the right place at the right time, and that if one situation isn't in my highest good, another will present itself.

I can only imagine the eye rolls I'd be getting from those who don't share my faith in a higher order. "What a cop out!" I can hear them cry. For people with nothing but logic on their side, I can see why they might think that. On the other hand, I've seen miracles happen in my life that defy logic. Synchronicities, alignment, and opportunities that have arisen and consistently carried me to higher ground, allowing me to say, "My life keeps getting better and better," even when some of the situations I've initially been in didn't look so hot.

I then thought about what my friend asked me from the standpoint of giving my best to a bad situation. There are moments when I've wondered, "Did I really give all that I had?" Sometimes the answer comes back yes, and other times, no. In those instances, I recall what a wise woman once told me, "There's no need to be doing well that which you should not be doing." Put another way, when something isn't in alignment with our spiritual ascension - the path we're meant to be on - rather than continuing on that path steadfastly and stubbornly (trying to prove we will not fail!), it's ok to back away from it and plot a new course. I think that's where our gut instinct comes into play (the part of us that's directly connected to the divine). When something stops feeling right - and I mean, really stops feeling right (not just temporarily out of whack) - it's time to walk away.

Faith is such a beautiful antidote to the fear of failure. Sharon Salzberg, one of my favorite Buddhist authors, writes poetically about it:

"The Buddha said, ‘Faith is the beginning of all good things.' No matter what we encounter in life, it is faith that enables us to try again, to trust again, to love again. Even in times of immense suffering, it is faith that enables us to relate to the present moment in such a way that we can go on, we can move forward, instead of becoming lost in resignation or despair."

True faith, according to Sharon, is the action of the heart opening to admit life in all of its unknown potential. It does not need to constrict around a particular belief or view, because it flows from an inner sense of reality, "a homing instinct for freedom."

"The tendency to equate faith with doctrine, and then argue terminology and concepts, distracts us from what faith is actually about. Faith is not a commodity we either have or don't have. It is an inner quality that unfolds when we learn to trust our own deepest experience."

Other quotes on faith I enjoyed:

"Belief is a truth held in the mind; faith is a fire in the heart." Joseph Fort Newton

"It often seems easier not to move on; even the muck and mire in which we're stuck seems less fearful and less challenging than the unknown path ahead. Some people use faith as a reason to remain stuck. They often say, ‘I have faith, so I'm waiting.' But faith is not complacent; faith is action. You don't have faith and wait. When you have faith, you move. Complacency actually shows lack of faith. When it's time to move in a new direction in order to progress, the right people will come to us." Betty Eadie

"Faith is a calm knowledge that things will be okay, because we were created to be just who we are, and no matter how bad things seem, they will work out--and the faithful person knows that they may take a bit longer to work out than we want them to. Faith is knowing that we are loved, just as we are, and that we are worth loving, just as we are. That's hard for me to accept sometimes, but I know in my heart that it's true, and God gave us hearts so that we could know such things." Author unknown

Defeating Fear with Active Curiosity

I was listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer's podcast the other morning as I traveled to San Diego. I discovered his podcasts on iTunes one day, and have been hooked ever since (they're free, and there are dozens of them available for download). Anyway, one of the calls he took was from a woman who was afraid to live what she believed was her life's purpose. She wanted to write a novel, and felt it was something she'd been called to do, but found herself paralyzed with fear and couldn't begin writing it.

I can relate. As a matter of fact, as I sat in Vesuvio, the infamous bar in the North Beach section of San Francisco two nights ago with a writer friend of mine, I listened to him lament about the same thing. He was afraid to begin his first novel because while he knows he's capable of writing something really special, he's afraid it won't come out that way and doesn't want to fail. Therefore, he's procrastinated and come up with hundreds of ways to distract himself from beginning his book.

Fear is a funny thing. It comes from deep within us in many cases, and often takes us by surprise. I sometimes am stunned by the things that frighten me. When did I develop that fear? Where did that come from? Have I always been afraid of that?

Dr. Dyer's advice to the woman who called was simple: he told her to approach anything she's fearful of from a place of curiosity. Instead of being afraid, he told her to be curious. Curiosity, he explained, changes our internal dynamic and forces our minds to want to investigate things, rather than retreat from them.

I think it takes more than just sidelong inquisitiveness, though. I think to be successful in defeating fear with curiosity, one must dive wholeheartedly into whatever it is that they fear. I think it involves doing, as opposed to just contemplating. To me, it means rolling up the sleeves and digging in with the mindset of someone who has nothing to lose and everything to gain. Kids are great at this. When a young child wants to understand something, he explores it with wide eyes and a Zen-like mind. He grabs something, picks it up and examines it from every angle; he is actively curious! We, as adults, would be well served to learn from their example and do the same.

In addition to active curiosity, I think faith is an important component in overcoming fear. When we have faith that everything in our lives serves to bring us closer to our authentic selves - the selves that were born of the greatest good and purest love - we transcend boundaries. Faith brings us back into alignment with who we really are and dissolves our manmade boundaries.

The following affirmation can be a good reminder to bring you back to a space of the divine. If there's something you're afraid of, whatever it might be, try using this affirmation and repeating it silently or aloud a few times a day:

I am fearless. I approach life with childlike curiosity.

I am safe as I do so.

Every day, I explore and discover new ways of living, thinking and being that are in alignment with my greatest good.

My curiosity brings magnificence into my life.

I am joyful and I am adventurous, today and always.

Joyful Implications to Sidestepping the Definition of Insanity

Three times in two weeks, people have referenced the definition of insanity in conversations with me. It's something I stumbled across on my own a few weeks ago, and then lately, it seems to be popping up everywhere.The definition I'm referring to is this: insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result.

Why am I bringing this up? Because today I got a haircut and the woman who cut my hair skillfully led me through a quick spiritual lesson that I apparently needed to hear again, but through a different set of ears. The lesson involved lessening my resistance and accepting change. (Similar post written last week entitled The Joy in Never Minding What Happens)

See, in many ways, I think I want change. In the case of my hair, I thought, "I'd like to look hipper." As I talked to the stylist, though, and discussed my fears ("...don't do bangs, minimize the appearance of my large forehead, soften my square jaw line, make it an easy cut to style because I prefer low maintenance, don't go too short..."), she stopped me. She pointed out that I, like many who sit in her chair, was asking for change, yet was setting up so many parameters (fears) that I was likely to end up with the same style I walked in with!

Rather than let me do that, she gently suggested that if I wanted to look different and perhaps adopt a trendier ‘do, I'd have to abandon my age-old comforts and toss aside what I'm used to and try something new. At that point she laughed and said, "What's the definition of insanity everyone talks about? If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result, you're insane." After hearing that for the third time in two weeks, I decided to trust her judgment, suspend my fears, and let her do what she does best.

When she finished cutting my hair, I absolutely loved it. It was completely different, yet perfect. It's a style I couldn't have asked for directly if I'd wanted to. However, when I loosened my grip and cast aside my fears, she was given room to shine and shine she did!

In the case of hair, change isn't so tough. After all, it grows back. In other (bigger) life situations, however, making significant changes feels riskier. It requires that we dig deeper into our "go with the flow/stop resisting" mentality to accomplish our goals.

Easier said than done, but here's a few tips I've found useful:

Many decisions can be undone. In a lot of cases, when there's a big change we'd like to make that requires a tough decision, we're so overwhelmed with fear that we forget we can always choose again. The beauty in being human and having free will is that if one decision doesn't work out, many times we can make another decision and aim for a better result. Not always, but often.

When decisions can't be undone, such as donating an organ to someone in need (extreme example, but I think it gets the point across!), faith is required. I remember my mother saying, in reference to decisions she made after she and my dad got divorced, that she did the best she could with what she had. In other words, she made the greatest decisions possible with the information or experience she had at that point in her life. She had to have faith things would work out in everyone's highest good in the end. From where I'm sitting, they definitely did.

Learn to trust your inner guidance. I'm a big believer in trusting my gut, but it requires that I quiet my mind long enough to listen to what it's trying to say. When we listen to our inner guidance, we're connecting with energy that comes from source. Source energy connects absolutely everyone and everything and is the ultimate keeper of our highest good. Strongly cognitive people are uncomfortable with this method because it eliminates the analytical fact-finding element of our minds and relies on something more spiritual. However, from personal experience, my gut's never been wrong and has often provided me with information that I wouldn't have known otherwise, which has led me to higher ground.

How can we quiet our minds long enough to begin hearing what our guts have to say? Meditation. (For more information on how to meditate, refer to The Basics of Meditation.)

Value yourself enough to trust that you make good decisions. A friend of mine told me that whenever he makes a decision - whether it's spending money on a big purchase or deciding to take the day off from work - he immediately makes a second decision to accept his first decision. I loved the way that sounded, because anyone familiar with a second-guessing monkey mind knows that there are some decisions that, as self-doubting humans, we instantly second-guess. And it's not just that we're second guessing our decision. It goes deeper. We're second-guessing ourselves. We don't trust our ability to make choices that positively serve us. An affirmation I say each day to overcome this is, "I always make great decisions that are in my highest good." Somehow it always seems to work out that way.

Do you have other suggestions for how to make big decisions confidently? There are plenty I've left off this list (a choice to keep the post more concise), so please share the ones that work well for you. I'd love to hear them!