It's All About Joy!

$1 Therapy (Awesome Free e-Book)

Chaundra McGill is an inspirational writer whose web site, Writing Reflections, and blog, Writing with Purpose, are dedicated to making you a better writer as well as a better person.

Her goal is to help people discover more about themselves through the therapeutic process of writing. Chaundra is a former journalist, and she offers a free e-book entitled, “$1 Therapy: Achieving Emotional Well-Being through Reflective Writing Therapy.” After reading it, it got me excited about starting some reflective writing therapy of my own.

In “$1 Therapy,” Chaundra talks about how she came to embrace writing as an emotional release method for what turned out to be a very traumatic childhood. Like so many people, she found herself struggling with anxiety and depression as an adult, and self-help books and expensive psychiatry offered only temporary reprieves. Instead, she turned to writing.

Given the timing of events in my life, I loved the personal examples Chaundra shared of how reflective writing therapy helped her learn more about her failed relationships, for instance:

“As I examined the inner workings of my last three relationships, I discovered something very disturbing: I was attracted to emotionally unavailable men. To gain a better understanding of why my adult male relationships were so dysfunctional, I began to write about my childhood male relationships, which included no father, two rarely-there uncles, and a distant grandfather. And then it suddenly dawned on me – I had no male role models growing up.

“I had no benchmark, no standard for how a man should treat me. I had subconsciously convinced myself that if I showed them enough love and was perfect, my boyfriends would stay around and love me.

“I always knew that my fatherlessness was the reason for my dysfunctional relationships, but I never bothered to spell it out. By digging deeper, I was able to get to the root of my issues, evaluate why I accepted certain behaviors from myself and others, and then isolate the specific behaviors I no longer would tolerate in my life…  I then committed to the page exactly what I wanted in a man… Most women have at least a mental checklist of what they want in a man, but my list included much more than tall, dark and handsome. I described the physical attributes, emotional qualities, character traits and values I wanted in a mate.

“Taking it even another step further, I challenged each of these characteristics on the page. I asked myself why I wanted them and how did these traits reflect on me. This honest assessment now equips me with an accurate barometer for my present and future interactions with men.”

Interestingly, I just did this “wish list” exercise last week. I jokingly told a friend that I filled two sides of a typed 8 ½ x 11 sheet of paper! What I haven’t done yet is to challenge each of the characteristics I listed and find out why I want those things in a mate, and how they reflect on me.

As you can see, reflective writing therapy is more than simple journaling. It goes many steps deeper. Read Chaundra McGill’s free, well-written, concise e-book and discover a new, powerful healing technique for yourself.

Click here to download your own free copy of $1 Therapy: Achieving Emotional Well-Being through Reflective Writing Therapy.

Click here to visit Chaundra McGill’s web site, Writing Reflections.

Who Are We If We Don’t…?

Lately I’ve been pondering some things sparked by two books: Invisible Supply by Joel Goldsmith and the Tao Te Ching.

Both discuss the merits of remaining quiet as a way of practicing wisdom. A sage needn’t say they’re a sage, nor must they discuss what they’re about at any given moment.

So I’m wondering: who am I if I don’t tell people what I do every day, or what I’ve been up to?

Invariably, people love to ask the question. “What’s new?”

Strangely, it took a message from the Universe repeated many times over before I realized I was being urged to keep quiet about certain things.

Let me tell you as someone with a strong mind and grasp of this physical world – it’s hard!

The more resistance I felt inside of me, though, to shout from the rooftops all the good stuff that’s been happening lately, the more I realized that staying quiet was what I absolutely had to do in order to honor all of who I truly am and none of who I’m not.

The way I see it, the moment I decide to open my mouth and tell people what I’ve been up to, I become about those things. I’m no longer authentically me. I’m suddenly an interpretation that the listener has of how successful or exciting my adventures lately have been.

So I remind myself again: a true sage needn’t speak.

Ohhh, my ego doesn’t like that one bit! It’s torturous, even. “But don’t you want to tell them about that email you just got? Or the progress you’re making on the…?”

Now, it doesn’t mean I won’t ever talk about anything again. I am human, after all. I’m here, in this body, with this mind and powerful ego, to be as only I can be.

Instead I can recognize that I have a choice to be sage-like or not, individual in every moment. I think that’s what it’s about. Not feeling I’ve failed if I share something I might have opted to keep quiet about, but instead knowing I don’t have to speak about everything. It doesn’t exalt me one way or the other.

In simply asking the question – by the inquiry, alone – I’ve expanded myself a bit, and given myself a choice. I don’t have to tell the world who I am. I can instead simply be who I am.

So again, back to the original question, “Who are we if we don’t…?”
Who are you if you’re not the story you tell people?
***
Since beginning this post, I’ve been pondering this question a lot and as luck would have it, Tess at The Bold Life sent me a link to Byron Katie’s site (http://www.thework.com) in relation to another post I wrote a couple weeks ago. I hadn’t heard of Byron Katie before, and now I can’t get enough of her! She essentially explores a similar question in her new book: Who Would You Be Without Your Story. I’ve already added it to my “books to read” list, and look forward to learning more from her (so thanks, Tess!).

Finally, A Joyful Look At How Men Think (As Written By Steve Harvey): Excerpts From “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”

I heard Steve Harvey talking about his new book on the Ellen show, and within two minutes I knew I wanted to buy this book. He’s not professing to be Dr. Phil or to have done any sort of scientific research on how men think or act, but from the sounds of it, his 52 years toting around the “y” chromosome haven’t been in vain. From the short interview I saw, he’s a guy who just gets it (and subsequently, makes me want to go and get his book!).

Here are some excerpts to hopefully entice you to do the same:

Men are Simple.
“There is no truer statement: men are simple. Get this into your head first, and everything you learn about us in this book will begin to fall into place. Once you get that down, you’ll have to understand a few essential truths: men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make.”

The 90-Day Rule.
“Look, here’s the deal. I used to work at Ford Motor Company. They have a probation period of 90 days. You have to stay on this job for 90 days because they’re going to check you out. They’re gong to see if you work well with others, if you’re on time, if you’re going to do what you say you’re going to do. Then after 90 days, they give you this benefits package… I look at women who meet guys and wind up in an affair – in a relationship with them – physical…in two or three weeks. Three days… what are you doing? Ford Motor Company don’t give away benefits for 90 days! It doesn’t make any sense. And you all have the greatest benefits package…You’re the reason we wake up in the morning. We want one of you! I go to work because of one of you!”

Men Are Either Playing You Or They’re Planning With You.
“You’ve got to know on the first night that you’re talking to this guy what his intentions are. If we see you across the room when we walk over to you, we want something. We’re not coming over there to find out what your future goals are. We don’t care what your hopes for tomorrow are. We saw you, we saw something we wanted, and we’re coming over there to see how much it’s gonna cost to get it. That’s the deal! That is really the truth.

“It’s real simple: we’re either playing with you, or we’re planning with you. We’re only doing one of two things. You want a guy that has a plan for you. If you know you want a serious relationship, you have to state that up front. Or it will run him off. If he goes away, he was only there to play in the beginning. The guy that has something in his head is going to stick around and see how high the bar is and how high he’s gotta climb to get to you. See, too many women got their fence only this high (visually depicts low fence). Lots of guys stepping in their yard…playing in their yard. Messing up your flowers, digging holes…”

The Three P’s.
“Men show their love with the three P’s. If we love you we will Protect, Profess and Provide for you.”

In Summary: Three Things Guys Want From Their Woman.
“To sum up, we’ve got to have these three things – support, loyalty, and sex – from you or we’re going to go.”